AFTER BURN REPORT 2004

HEELLLOOOOOOOO, Burners and Burners-to-Be!

Hmmm.... well the summer moves along, the 2005 afterburn still hasn't been done, we may not get off our asses long enough to bother.... although, maybe, when we get drunk some time, we'll knock together some kind of audio diatribe and post it up here....

Until that time though, heres the ABR from 2004.

It was a raging success of course! More people came through these doors than ever before, but many of them were completely unexpected, so I lost track of many names and a final numbers count amidst all the Delicious Chaos Conservatively, I'd guess that the total traffic volume had to hit AT LEAST FOUR HUNDRED people, and maybe as high as FIVE hundred, and about 115 of those people joined up with our Theme Camp, more than double what it was the year before. 14 countries and 22 states were represented in camp, ranging in age from 8 to 80.

The Reno-to-Playa Rideshare Project was a total success again, too, for the third year in a row. Not a soul was left behind, thanks to all of the Unsung Heroes who dropped by here on their ways to the Playa.

However, the popularity and notoriety of the Burner Hostel's three distinct projects have surged to the point where they can no longer grow out of control any longer with an Open Door policy to everyone from everywhere, vastly exceeding our space and resources. Limits MUST be placed upon the NUMBER of participants and the extent of our hospitality so that those who MOST NEED our support can get it. We have no choice but to move in the direction of exclusivity vs. inclusivity.

Let me address some of my concerns:

First, we had numerous complaints by neighbors and at least four visits by the police concerning all the traffic congestion, parking problems, and noise generated by the crowds and all-night partying. Unless I can appease the neighborhood in 2005, this place is gonna get wiped off the map by some form of legal injunction against it. At the very least, we cannot risk having any sort of BUST here, not to imply that anything illegal was happening..

Second, my house and yard is simply not large enough to accommodate the crowds that were here on the peak days and nights right before and after the event. For example, on the Saturday night before the event, over EIGHTY people spent the night here! It was a RAGING all-night party, to be sure, and a GOOD one at that, as were the parties on previous nights, but all the chaos provided no opportunity of REST or any degree of comfort for those who really needed it after traveling from very far away to get here. The bathroom situation was pretty sad, of course, and our rented Johnny-on-the-Spot was FULL in less than 24 hours!

Third, as a result of all the crowds here on that aforementioned day and night, and on the immediately preceding days and evenings also, the resultant confusion made it very difficult for myself ,and the Core Team Members helping me, to cope with all of our last-minute and CRUCIAL Theme Camp preparations, especially Camp Infrastructure Transport Logistics. It was no small effort, amidst the hysteria and congestion, to get fully organized, load up our shade structure, 1800 sq .ft. of carpet, many sofas and folding chairs, all of our kitchen stuff, forty bicycles, and gobs of other important crap, and transport all that stuff out to the Playa. It took three 16' flatbed utility trailers, a 12' enclosed trailer, much of the capacity of my RV, and a couple of pickup trucks and vans, all loaded to the limit, plus the generosity of some Rideshare Volunteers with a little extra room for STUFF (in addition to passengers) to get the job done, but just BARELY.

Fourth, while we all know about, and presumably practice, the Leave-No-Trace policy on the Playa, it didn't seem to apply to my HOME as well. I gotta say that my pad got kinda trashed and it took WEEKS for us to clean it up afterwards. You cannot imagine, for example, the amount of garbage generated here before the Burn (especially BEER cans and bottles, Haha!), the amount of trash and unwanted stuff that was left here after the Burn, and the amount of Playa Dust deposited here as exhausted people came back through with themselves and all their clothes and gear covered in the stuff. All the extra wear and tear on my washing machine sent it to the graveyard, too.

Fifth, speaking of trash, getting the garbage generated by our Theme Camp off the Playa was a frickin' NIGHTMARE! A camp our size generates a LOT of crap. All trailers and vehicles that were used to transport stuff to the Playa were so overloaded in the first place that there was not enough room for all the garbage on the return trip. As a result of my failure to plan ahead for this foreseeable problem, I had no choice but to stuff my motor home FULL of sacks of crap and a lot of other things and it will never fully recover from the abuse. Had it not been for the foresight of a campmate who arrived with an half-empty trailer and thus had room for a literal mountain of extra crap, plus a burn barrel which miraculously appeared thanks to a Black Rock Ranger, we would have been in some serious shit with shit.

Sixth, of all the things that need to be transported from Here-to-There-and-Back, the one type of thing that takes up the MOST space and causes a lot of extra work and expense and hassle is the BIKE POOL! We gotta come up with a solution for the Loaner Playa Bike Dilemma...

Seventh, I spent WAY too much money in 2004. THOUSANDS! I won't count the FIRST thousand, though, because I figure that, on the average, Burning Man is a minimum $1,000 expense to everybody else, too. But the OTHER thousands DO count! For those of you who were present at our camp meeting last year and heard my appeal for voluntary contributions of about $40 per person toward camp expenses, please be aware that only about 20% of what I spent to pull it all off was raised, which left a very sour taste in my mouth. In general, the amounts pitched in by the FEW people who DID help out was MORE than the suggested $40. The vast majority of camp mates pitched in NOTHING at all! Not a red CENT! Generally, the AMERICANS were especially unsupportive in that sense! The Europeans were the MOST helpful! I'm still trying to get my credit card paid off from LAST year! My Gawd. Where was the sense of COMMUNITY within the BRIBH Theme Camp? As you can tell, it still bums me to this day, every time I write a check to make a payment on that card. While I would like to continue to be the quintessential generous host, I am RETIRED, y'know, trying to live on my investments without exhausting those assets so that I can continue to be a Full-Time Burner, and simply cannot afford to pick up the bulk of the expenses year after year without risking having to get a JOB to support my hobby.

Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha...

There were several people who actually BURNED ME also, for a total of at least $700, but that's a whole 'nuther story, and those people won't get the chance to ever do it to me again, ever. Their memories may be short, but mine ISN'T!

I'd also like to know who STOLE a wallet from one of our guests, thus scoring a Goldmine at an enormous loss to the victim, and then amputate his balls with a fucking HAMMER!

Eighth, I worked too hard! For example, the amount of time I had to spend at the computer during the months of June, July, and August to coordinate everything entirely consumed me, leaving me no opportunity to deal with other responsibilities, and I'm still playing a game of catch-up on Real-World Issues which were postponed during those critical months, so I must make sure that I never again fall so far behind...

The end result of all factors combined was that, by the time I got to the Playa on Tuesday afternoon, I was physically and emotionally EXHAUSTED, more so than in any previous years. I was as close to a complete nervous breakdown as I have ever been in my entire life. Because my mental state was unsound, my eighth Burn was the first year that I didn't fully enjoy myself while on the Playa, and the first year that I was left with a severe "Hangover" and a good case of depression which lingered for months. Once on the Playa, I was so emotionally dazed and confused and helpless that I was incapable of engaging, and furthering relationships with, some wonderful people, which I truly regret, and made some fatal mistakes in perceptions, expectations, and judgments which resulted in the apparently permanent and irreparable loss of friendship with a very important person, which was the Proverbial Straw That Broke This Camel's Back!

I apologize to everyone I may have insulted or hurt by SEEMINGLY being disinterested in them or by saying inappropriate things to them, but I truly was a Walking Basket Case, Bonkers, Wigged-Out, Wacko, Gaa-Gaa...

I am NOT asking anyone to "feel sorry" for me by addressing the above concerns, though. I simply bit off more than I could chew and dug my own pit, for which I accept full responsibility. After all, the Burner Hostel is a LABOR OF LOVE, has given me a great deal of pleasure over the years, and has expanded my network of Burner friends and pen pals to every corner of the globe. But I am not Superman and I just want everyone to know UP FRONT exactly how I feel so that the changes I am considering for 2005 will make some sense, discourage people from trying to take advantage of me, and encourage people to HELP with my projects (if they can) because it is more than one person can handle alone.
Hagey's Head Now Rests Squarely Upon His Shoulders where it belongs, he is at Peace with the Universe and accepts the consequences of his self-imposed workload and resultant poor judgments, his Heart is Healed and once again beating strongly within his ample chest, and he is now hereby pounding on that chest, making Tarzan sounds, and announcing to the world that he is eager and ready and willing to tackle the 2005 Burn, and do it in STYLE, even BETTER than before!

Aaaaeeeeagggghhhhhhhheeeeaaaaaggggghhhhheeeeeaaaagggghhhhhhh!!!

SPECIAL THANKS GOES OUT TO THE MOST CRITICAL MEMBERS OF THE 2004 TEAM:

• Richard Embry (Number One) for EVERYTHING he did to make it happen.
• Diarmaid Horkan (Number Two) for EVERYTHING he did to make it happen.
• Don Hoadley (Very Bad Santa) for EVERYTHING he did to make it happen.
• Eddie Ostrowsky(Fish) and Eileen Ostrowsky(Sunshine) for EVERYTHING they did to make it happen.
• Chris Hankins(Kiwi) for EVERYTHING he did to make it happen.

ADDITIONAL THANKS GOES OUT TO:

• Rick Brown, for the annual use of his trailer.
• Paula Povilaitis, for being there where and when I needed you!
• Sunshine, again, and Paula, for being FABULOUS Hostel Moms.
• Lee Douglas(Dougaldutch) and Russ Wiltshire, for being part of the hard-working skeleton crew who set up and took down our camp.
• Thomas Gonzalez(X-Ray), the best Camp Cop money CAN'T buy, for ALL of his support everywhere.
• Diarmaid, again, for the Fabulous Hagey Sculpture, which will NEVER be burned or desecrated in any way, and for introducing me to Princess.
• Kiwi, again, for his emotional support afterwards.
• Jana Hofeditz(Hottie), for her emotional support both during and after my meltdown.
• Lucy Tumolo(Juice), for her emotional support afterwards on issues of the heart, and helping me feel like a real MAN again.
• Ken Herman, for renting a van to use as a shuttle (the Aloha Express) and drive people all around town on shopping errands. He even took a bunch of people OUT to BRC and returned to town for more of the same!
• Scott Hudson(Piper), Hilaire Nollette(Metatech), and Dan Lind(Buzcut) for setting up the KILLER Wi-Fi network.
• Metatech, again, for his all-around technical work, energy, and wizzardry.
• Piper, again, for his daily infusion of beer for two weeks prior, major help running errands and shuttling shoppers, and non-stop chatter.
• Dale Huntsman, for the use of his shuttle van and making sure that my golf cart got USED on the Playa instead of just sitting in my yard.
• Damian Janssen(Jellyfish), for the STYLIN' Mutant Vehicle.
• Dominique Lord and Nathalie Malo, the very best EYE CANDY in our swimming pool, and listened to me whine about my problems.
• Jason Harrison, for bringing the Big Bad Black Bus with the Jacuzzi inside. Too bad the weather was a bit on the COOL side this year.
• Teresa Moiola and Liz Margerum, for taking such good care of those three extra Drop-In Boyz.
• Jill Fromelius, for the opportunity to rest my tired soul and sooth my aching heart in the glory of her presence, even though it was for too short a period of time. I wish we gone on a Playa Cruise for a couple of hours together
• Paul Myatt, for being excellent company on the ride back to town.
• Rotem Omri(Luli) for letting me cry on her shoulder and being my companion on Wednesday night, the only time that I felt in the mood to REALLY wanna dance my fucking brains out, and to the great people of MUTAYTOR for creating the right vibe for it.
• Coenie and Tony and one other person whose name shall be withheld, for the fine party supplies.
• Dadara, just for the opportunity to be bathed again in your awesome presence, and I wish I had gotten more of it.
• Jameela Verona, for showing up at PRECISELY the RIGHT time imaginable to cheer me up, and making my Friday night and Saturday morning the BEST it could possibly be under the circumstances. (Well, maybe MORE snuggling and schmoozing woulda been nice...)
• Amy Westover, for the awesome camp banner.
• Ted Brancu(Soyboy), so I had someone else to FRET about besides myself. (Are ALL Vegans this intensely high maintenance?)
• British citizens David Bradshaw, Paul Myatt, and the Hottie Trio of Leigh Carpenter, Joe Klimkowsky, Carl Davies, for joining me on that mood-enhancing boating day on
• Pyramid Lake. It took me over a month to heal from the broken ribs, though. Mebbe I'm gettin' too old to be jumping off of forty-foot-high rocks. Damn, the water was really HARD that day!
• Arik Dafne, the only person who has ever enhanced our camp by bringing his MOTHER with him. MORE people should bring a parent.
• Nicki Henderson, who brought her CHILD, Jaeda, to our camp. More people should do the same. I love to watch the face of an enchanted child.
• Trina Medina, for being our Website Goddess, and a PATIENT one at that.
• Sohei, for all the Post-Burn Maid Service, and listening to me whine about my broken spirit.
• Pierre Marsan, for NOT socking me in the nose.
• Tibor and Rebecca Toth, for being the CUTEST young couple in Camp.
• George Streng, for hauling so much of our garbage away. That trailer was a LIFESAVER, without which we would have been in DEEP SHIT.
• Mike Connor(Caution) for the Life-Saving Fire Barrel, without which we woulda been in even DEEPER SHIT dealing with trash.
• Tauni and Delia Bradley, for providing such excellent companionship, guidance, and entertainment for my son.
• David Meijer, just for being the sweet and gentle and kind person you are and will always be.
• Bjarne Haug, for bringing CONNIE!
• Giora Adam, for his Hot Tip concerning the evaporative pond.
• Jackie Bronze, for helping Jellyfish with Mutant Vehicle transport.
• Janine Miller-Fritz, for just RELAXING this year!
• Josie Rose, for getting in gear...
• Karl Hafner, for taking such good care of Kerry Ashe.
• Paul Adds(Whitehorse), the Pool Boy From Heaven.
• Tony Huck, for a lot of EVERYTHING!
• Yardena Dafni, just for BEING HERE!

Sorry if I forgot anyone.

Special note to the unsung heroes who contributed toward expenses:

On the last three days of the event, some camp mates were shoving cash at me following my plea for help. That cash got stuffed into a manila envelope, but the sheet of paper upon which I was keeping NOTES got LOST in the Post-Burn confusion. If you were one of the people in question, and have never received a formal letter of thanks from me , please TELL ME SO, so I may THANK YOU, though belatedly. I don't wish to be perceived as someone who lacks the most basic of social graces.

NOW you can go to the next folder, Announcements, which will give you some idea of 2005 plans, as they evolve...

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